Saturday, January 5, 2008

On Pregnancy

This post should have been posted during the times when I am really down with regards to my condition.

Dahil normal sa babae ang mabuntis..inamin na ni J.Lo at Christina Aguilera ang lahat..kahit si Jennylyn Mercado umamin na din..I decided to post na din ang entry na ito.

This has been the first post I will ever have regarding the status of my new life. There have been so many things that fill my day the past few months. I kept it all inside me and hide the fact there is a problem that burdens me and it has been the most difficult challenge that I ever faced. Although, many people had gone through this scenario, I must admit that you will never can tell how scary being on it until you are at it. Never did I imagine that I will be one of those people, we commented so much.

I am guilty of being so in love with a man whom I know that truly is God-given.

But that will never justify whatever it is that we are currently having. A trouble I guess at first, because I looked at it before as a fault. It is a terrible mistake of a seemingly perfect relationship. That is something which should not be done nor thought of doing. But that was it. I am guilty of the so called early pregnancy. Although I must say that the man whom I share the love for our unborn baby is the perfect guy for me, the situation is uncalled for.

There were so many nights that I cried to sleep. Thinking over what we have done. What could have gone wrong? Did I trust that easy or give in so fast that God has planned this so that we could learn our lessons well. I have read in the best selling book Purpose Driven Life, that every child is planned by God. No matter what the situation is. That my little angel was already in God’s plan.

It was very hard for me to accept all those things. Those are the things that I will be sacrificing when this happened. It is because my child will come into the world soon! At this point of time, I had gone over the fault finding, the heartbreaks, the self pity and all those negative emotions that I felt. It was this situation that made me stronger. I thanked my mom (although she is no longer here with us) for all those advices and inspirations I always kept in mind that somehow I know God has already prepared me going through this situation.

Well. The most depressing part of this is breaking the news to my Dad. I admire and love him so much that I truly know that I have made a mistake that will disappoint him. I was arguing with Popoy when he will have the guts to tell my dad about it. Yes, he is the man! Who else?!? Until I find the right strategy, surfing over the internet to pick some suggestions from the people who share the same situation. The Letter Strategy is the most convincing advice I picked. Then, I told Popoy about my plan. He agreed. He must agree! He he!

The plan had gone as expected. As any Dad would ever felt that her little daughter will soon be taken by the man he trusted so well, it was his initial reaction that made my soon to be more scared of him. Although, I admit that I expect some people to react negatively, I was a bit disappointed with some whom I felt that will support me the most in this dilemma I am going through are the ones who almost turned their back on me. I neither blame them for their reaction nor accept their opinion. I may say that I am too stubborn to feel what they feel. I am selfish, thinking about how to solve this problem when in fact even before there are lot of things that we still need to figure out together to solve. But everything has already changed. My perspective in life has turned around from being a happy go lucky girl to being responsible woman looking forward to building a family that will correct all those wrong things done before.

Now, I can accept all the name callings being tagged over me. Although, I admit that I am a strong woman, carefully molded by my humble experience from the past 25 years, I still feel the hurt. I just know that I needed to be strong even if I can’t, I just have to be. For my baby and my future family.

I have to start moving on. Even some people around still cannot. I just have this one request from you who is reading this. Please pray for me, my baby, my husband, and my loved ones. May all wounds heal that were created by this mistake. Amen.

1 comment:

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